Sunday, 11 May 2014

A BOY IN AFRICA...UNCENSORED, MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS JOURNEY OF BECOMING A MOM.

MOOD: The Sea - Morcheeba 


Today, I decided to sit and write something more personal… one of the purposes of my blog was to come back to my joy of writing, which during the last nine months has been a great source of therapy and a way of leaving imprinted somehow, all my thoughts and feelings. Writing has become a way of recording what it has meant to be expecting my son; a way to share this time with him in the future; for him to know what it was like to wait for him with so much love and to have loved him – even before his birth.

I must confess that I was never the type of woman who spent my time dreaming of being a mother, and I found that this feeling stayed with me until recently. For the longest time I had wondered why I did not want what my friends wanted. Women of my age spoke about their wish of being a mother and I could not understand why I felt differently. For the longest time I thought that I was selfish for not wanting what they wanted. But it was not because I was selfish, it was because I was at a different stage of my life. 

I have come from a place where: I wanted to experience life in a thousand different ways, squeeze every drop from it and discover myself and depths of my soul through my passion for adventure.  I wanted to build a unique and strong relationship with Unai - my partner - my love – my buddy. A relationship that would be strong enough to withstand life’s blows, taking each one with strength and grace to make us the couple we are now.  I wanted to live my life with an intensity and wild passion for new experiences and see that there aren’t limits to an adventurous soul like mine.    I wanted to travel with my love and learn of the world with him. I wanted to live a life of joy, doing all the things that were in the bucket list of my life. I wanted to feel fulfilled  and satisfied as a person, a professional, a woman, a wife, and a daughter so that I could be whole , free of regret and ready for a new adventure…when I look at my life with this perspective, I think I did the right thing.

After being together with Unai for almost 10 years, we are still as in love as when we first met. And after having experienced so much of life together and having Camillo, our dog (“First baby”) we discovered that we were ready for something new. After many years of seeing the man Unai is, and what we are like together as a couple, I thought that nothing could be more beautiful than to create a life together, another life that would be an extension of him and I and the best of both of us.

These 9 months have been surprising for me. Besides feeling spoilt by the generosity of strangers and getting free desserts at restaurants :) I could never have expected to enjoy my pregnancy as much as I have and that I would fall in love with my new curves every time I look at myself at the mirror. It´s incredible to love someone that I don’t even know but who is inside of me, who kicks with kicks that are exclusively for me, and who feels exactly the same things that I am feeling. From inside me, that close to my heart, I know he knows who I am. He knows what I think and what I feel. 

 Now my mission is to learn how to be a mom and the promise to myself, my partner and my son, is to find a balance between who I am now and who I will be when he is here. My promise is to love him, while staying true the woman I have become without loosing myself. With my son and husband beside me I will continue on my adventure with my personal and professional projects, with the two of them inspiring me every day. My promise is to take care of my son, and his father by loving them and protecting them. This will make me a happy mother, with a happy baby and a happy family. 

Luka will be Taurus and an African boy for which we are absolutely happy.

I am ready.
 ***
Hoy decidí sentarme y escribir algo un poco más personal… uno de los propósitos de este blog era volver a escribir pues desde que dejé mi país no lo había vuelto a hacer de esta manera. Creo que así sea escribir para mi misma, lo que ha significado para mi la espera de mi hijo, es una gran terapia y una forma de dejar impresa de alguna manera mis pensamientos. Me encanta la idea de poder guardarlo y poder compartirlo con mi hijo en algún momento de su vida, que el sepa cómo fue esperarlo con tanto amor y querelo desde antes de nacer.

Debo confesar que nunca fuí la clase de mujer que soñaba con ser mamá y que ese sentimiento siempre estuvo conmigo hasta hace poco. Veía que mis amigas y las mujeres de mi edad hablaban tanto de eso y del deseo de traer seres al mundo, que yo me sentía tan diferente y no entendía porqué. Pensaba que tal vez era egoismo pero en realidad no lo era, mi vida estaba enfocada en otras cosas que eran importantes en ese momento y me tomé el tiempo para vivirlas…

Primero quise comerme la vida de mil formas y hacer que mi pasión por querer hacer cosas me llevara a conocer más allá de mi misma y ver que en un alma aventurera como la mía no habían límtes; quería contruir una relación única y fuerte con mi pareja que fuera a prueba de esas bolas de fuego que pasan y detruyen o fortalecen los vínculos y que los dos fuéramos lo que somos ahora; quería vivir mil experiencias de una forma intensa y tal vez salvaje; quise recorrer el mundo con mi esposo y aprender de él, quise gozarme muchas cosas que estaban en mi lista de la vida y era consciente de lo importante que era para mi la satisfacción y realización como persona, profesional, mujer, esposa e hija para no tener frustraciones y así poder estar lista para esta nueva aventura…  cuando miro lo que viví con perspectiva, creo que hice lo correcto.

Después de estar 10 años con Unai (el amor de mi vida, mi pareja y mi compinche), tener un perro (Primer hijo) y haber vivido intensamente tantas cosas juntos, descrubrímos que estábamos listos para algo nuevo y al ver como es el, como somos los dos cuando estamos juntos, me hizo pensar que nada puede ser más bonito que crear una vida juntos y producir un ser humano que fuera la mezcla de los dos, una extensión de lo mejor de el y yo.

Estos casi 9 meses han sido sorprendentes para mi, aparte de sentirme consentida hasta por extraños y hasta recibir postres gratis en restaurantes :)  nunca pensé que fuera a gozarme el embarazo y que me enamorara de mis nuevas curvas cada vez que me miraba en el espejo. Es incredible amar a alguién que aún no conoces pero que está dentro de ti sintiendo lo mismo que yo estoy sintiendo en cada momento… él desde ahi sabe lo que soy, lo que pienso, lo que siento, él es el único que ha estado asi de cerca de mi corazón y sus pataditas son sólo y exclusivamente para mi.

Ahora mi misión es aprender a ser mamá y mi promesa a mi misma, a mi pareja y a mi hijo, es encontrar ese balance entre lo que soy ahora y lo que seré cuando el esté con nosotros, amarlo muchísimo pero sin perderme a mi misma, seguir con mis proyectos personales y profesionales pero con nuestro hijo al lado inspirándonos cada día, cuidarlo a el y así de importante, cuidar también a su padre, protegiendolos y amándolos,  porque donde hay una mamá feliz y equilibrada, hay un bebé y una familia feliz.

Luka será Tauro y será un niño africano y eso nos hace inmesamente felices.

Estoy lista. 










   
  

Thanks for reading
***
Gracias por leer 

Fotos: MRSK www.mrsk.co.za





33 comments:

  1. You look so great being pregnant and from what you write here you have very similar feeling to those I had being pregnant. I wish every woman to have a chance to feel how great it is to wait for a baby and to feel all these fantastic feelings! My daughter is a Taurus and she is one of the most fabulous people I've ever met.
    Lots of love to you, your baby and his father. And good luck with your big day!
    fashionfascinate.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Many thanks for your beautiful words :) so glad that u felt identified with what I wrote.
      Lots of love too xxx

      Diana

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  2. Wow!!! Congratulations!!!! I wish you to be a very good mother!
    Kisses,
    Eni

    http://eniwherefashion.blogspot.it/

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  3. Qué bonito post! Enhorabuena!!
    besos

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  4. Y ya veras cuando lo tengas en brazos, serás la mujer más feliz del mundo! Un beso enorme.
    http://www.solaanteelespejo.blogspot.com.es/

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    Replies
    1. Gracias Ana, tu siempre tan especial.
      Muchos abrazos,

      Diana

      Delete
  5. Congratulations! Amazing post! I'm following you on instagram and the beautiful pic you posted today caught my attention and this is the first time I'm reading you. I'd like to keep reading your next posts! Un gran saludo y una vez más felicidades por esa linda etapa en tu vida!

    www.simplymissk.weebly.com

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Keziah for your comment and the good wishes, so nice from you :) . I am so glad that u read me and liked what I wrote, this time it was something more personal. I love your pics on Instagram a lot.
      Keep well and speak soon.
      Love xxx

      Diana

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  6. Replies
    1. Thanks Gareth, nice to see you here ;)

      Love,

      Diana

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  7. Lovely pics! <3
    Marina
    http://www.maridress.blogspot.it/
    https://www.facebook.com/maridressfashionblog

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  8. Replies
    1. Thanks Darlene, hope u are fine.
      Love x

      Diana

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  9. Congratulations, Diana! Best wishes to you as you begin this new chapter of your life. You are a lovely mother-to-be - I love the photos!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Sarah :) Nice to know about you, keep well.

      Love x

      Diana

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  10. These photographs are absolutely stunning! Happy belated Mother's Day! :)
    xo TJ

    http://www.hislittlelady.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks babe.
      Have a lovely day.

      Love x

      Diana

      Delete
  11. You look beautiful!

    http://www.olastory.com/

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Ola :)
      Hope u are fine.

      Love,

      Diana

      Delete
  12. ładne fotografie ♥

    http://delavie-paula.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Paula :)
      Keep well.
      Love xxx

      Diana

      Delete
  13. Aii pero que bonito este post! Me ha encantado muchísimo.

    Me gusta mucho que estes tan contenta del embarazo, se te ve muy entusiasmada y con ganas de que Luka llegue.

    Mil besos y a seguir tan contenta!!

    Sara Sánchez Velado

    http://www.sarasanchezvelado.es/blog

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  14. You and your baby bump look gorgeous!

    Hope you get to meet your son soon! :)

    Away From Blue

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  15. aww congratulations! You're going to be a mother soon and i know you will be a great mum <3

    Visit my blog: www.sarahrizaga.blogspot.com

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  16. Nice photos ;)

    http://closertotheedgeblog.blogspot.com/

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  17. great post, so happy for you!!

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  18. Amazing! You look so beautiful!! love...
    XX
    http://fetish-tokyo.blogspot.com/

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  19. Wow amazing photos! Congratulations!!

    xx,
    www.mellowyellowblog.com

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  20. Amazing photos!! Congratulations by the way! You will be an amazing mother <3
    Want to follow each other on GFC? and Can you also click on link to the shorts in our latest outfit post? <3 It means a lot to us! <3
    xoxo
    Fash Fab
    Instagram
    Facebook

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  21. Found your blog randomly and I’d like to say it’s fabulous! You have amazing photos & style! Everything is perfect!

    would you like to follow each other?
    will be happy to see you in my blog!

    www.dianacloudlet.com

    ReplyDelete